I’ve heard stories about you, Virgo. You’re a mess right now. You’ve opened the wrong chakras and charged the wrong crystals and it’s starting to get dark in the forest. Luckily the ink is not dry yet, and you’ve still got time to work the inkblots of your life to your advantage.
Venus has approached your wheelhouse this summer and she requires both sacrifice and affection. Hang a wreath of leaves and one red jasper stone in a window facing north-west. If you have no such window you can ask a neighbor who’s willing to help you. Place a palm print on the window from a hand lightly smeared in peppermint oil to establish a connection between the yourself and the sun. Don’t wash the window until the end of September. This will be your sign of affection.
For your sacrifice you will need to tie a red string around a black birthday candle and light it every day at noon, no matter where you are. Give your energy back to the void by capturing the smoke in a bottle and blow it out at great speed.
I’m hitting the ground running here after my hiatus. If any Aries. Taurus, Gemini or Cancer missed reading their fortune I’m sorry, but there’s nothing to be said. Your star sign simply cannot be detected on the tapestry of life and as the great interpreter of the Astral Highway I’m assuming you’re all dead. On the inside, anyway.
And you, Leo, narrowly escaped the event horizon of internalized void. You stretched out, grabbed onto life with both hands and really squeezed the lemons out of it.
Saturn enters your quadrant this month and will definitely rock the proverbial boat quite hard. To ease the tensions, rose quartz pebbles must be laid down in your kitchen sink to connect with the flowing water of your tap until the very end of August. If you see any spiders during this time, be sure to greet them warmly and leave them be.
Work will be harder than normal this month and your coworkers might be more glum than you’re used to, so be sure to bring a bundle of sage to your office. Get the sage smoking in the break room to soothe and rinse their auras.
As with all water signs, you too are a flighty creature. You’ve been swimming from shore to shore looking for a safe harbour in the storms that have swept over your poor damp and scaly hide, but all for nought. 2018 was a brutal year for you, but that stops this month. This month you’ll trip over hidden opportunities like never before!
Unfortunately, when the pond is so small, other fish are out there chomping at the same opportunities you are, so you have to secure your place in the universal lottery by doing some simple rituals.
You’ll need to pop open some essential oils. Mix mint, rainwater and tree star oil together in a pot and anoint yourself with it. Tell the universe to get its shit together. If you have any Tiger’s Eye laying around (as any responsible Pisces would), drag the sharpest tip of the stone over your heart chakra to slice open the way for joy and success to enter your life.
Do this and you’ll be skipping in the astral line to great prosperity.
Oh Aquarius, how unfortunate. Here you are shuffling water, hydrating the earth left and right, and all you have to show for it is drowned soil and soggy ambition. If you could just learn to pace yourself, but we both know that’s not in the cards for you.
To get out of this swampy slog you may have to invest heavily in a bathmat. Preferably crystal. Shredded feet is nothing compared to the healing capabilities of the crystalline energy you so dearly need. The frequencies of the universe need a focus point and your feet are the ideal receptors.
The moon is sneaking into your energy field this month, and so it’s time to hunker down and recharge to the best of your abilities. Do not leave any balls of yarn unattended during this time. Ears to the ground. Make room for the ethereal beams of moonlight to guide your way.
It’s your month, baby. This is where your sea-goat self will outshine everyone else!
You knew this day was coming, you just had to get all your ducks in order, organizing, scheming, planning in the shadows for your new persona to break free from the grasp of mediocrity and leap into the spotlight like the best goat you could possibly be! It’s going to be magnificent and the planets spin for you on this day, my friend.
Love though.. You know where I am going with this, don’t you? They never called you back, left you on “read” or perhaps started to avoid you just a little? Be extra wary this month, Capricorn. There is little space for love in this quadrant of your life.
Listen to your inner voice this month. Wash your windows. 2019 is on the horizon and you need to prepare for the upcoming battle. I’d say attaching your birthstone to your keychain is your best bet for survival.